Speculation

Speculation

Chainsaw three minutes

hours later in rain

smell of resin.

                   W. S. Merwin

                   “In the Red Mountains”

If kelp.  If bait.  If boat.

If fiberglass repair.  If swing-sets.  If hours swinging.

If barefoot if new

shoes if a mother if her

mother.  If Hemmingway

If Harper Lee.  If Robert

Frost’s “Home

Burial.  (If his Elliot)  If fever

cooled if unabandoned.

If Listen-

ing.  If sex

waited for you.  If you

wanted it to.  If roast

beef if Sunday love if Jesus if Muhammad If Moses If Buddha If Krishna

If a woman.  If her two hands

if her mouth her throat if before

you were born if the un

aborted one if brother/sister if

aunt or uncle or.  If father.  If it worked.

If hanging yourself.  If blisters from

the rope if they didn’t heal if they did

if you lived if you died

If it wasn’t her in the road if the snow

if the phone if the way

if work if cigarette if fishing if thick

ice if unbroken plans

if lists.  If it was

It wasn’t. 

Eight Years On

Eight Years On

Shutting your eyes from the spectacle you
Saw not darkness but
Nothing

On which doors were opening

                                        W. S. Merwin
                                        "Pieces For Other Lives"

There’s that gap, a secrecy so vast

it's a breach we stand at the edge of

watching, waiting

while our children and mothers

turn away from us

and into it and the space

where the quiet is roused out of God’s loneliness.

This is the cleaving I still feel

today, the way your hand gripped

my hair, a tallis

of consecrated cloth.  

And when it started to tear

the sound was inaudible as a pall

on your urn that whole night

of sitting.

I'd watched you and watched you

as they wheeled you down

the corridor toward I didn’t know where— 

I didn’t know then

if I’d ever see you again—

And the cloth of us

it was curtain

the holy of holies

rent in two.

And in the space between the two pieces

a scream silent as a tulip bulb

in November